mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
