I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
there is glitter all over my balls
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
