Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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