i permit you to call me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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