just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
