you would pick up someone in the library
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
