So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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