A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it was like eating out sand paper
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
