its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
