I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
