I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
