I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
