i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
