there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
