There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
