i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
