sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
