I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
