just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
