my soul wont recognize me after tonight
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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