in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
