This is not my ceiling
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
