worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
