I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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