I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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