My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
