i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
