Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
