How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
