i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
