So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
So. Much. Porn.
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