its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
