He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
