Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
