I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
