All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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