I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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