3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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