the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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