i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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