I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
