he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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