New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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