Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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