I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize