God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
