Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
