the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize