im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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