pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
