Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
