Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize