i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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