if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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