So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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