I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
