you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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