He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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