And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
