K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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