shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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