it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
