phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
