can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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