My room smells like vodka and shame
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
