My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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