her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
