you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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