What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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