I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
