I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
