your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just invented taco cereal.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
