i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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