Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
