Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
