Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
