I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
